


Void

by Maanli



Category: Bleach
Genre: A whole lot of hurt and not much confort, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2018-10-18 20:50:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10624905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maanli/pseuds/Maanli
Summary: Ichigo is kidnapped and tortured by Aizen, it's up to Ishida to help fix him.





	1. Eyes

Chapter One  
Eye’s

“Hey Ishida, wait up!”

Ishida looked back at the voice who called out to him, scoffed and kept walking. He resented that voice. Ichigo came running up alongside him. “What the hell, why didn’t you stop I know you heard me.” Ichigo bends over, hands on his knees and catches his breath when he reaches Ishida. The quincy says nothing in response and just keeps walking, his eyes trained on the road in front of him, not acknowledging the orange haired boy next to him. “Ishida,” Ichigo grabs his wrist and forces him to stop walking, “What the hell is up with you?”

Ishida glares at Ichigo upon being touched. He hated being near him, he hated hearing his voice, and he especially hated being grabbed by the soul reaper. “Nothing is ‘up with me’” He states calmly, jerking his wrist away from the soul reaper as if his touch had burned him.

“Bullshit. You’ve been avoiding me all month.” 

“I have not been avoiding you, I have just been busy.” Ishida replies. He knows it’s a lie, he has been avoiding Ichigo.

“Seriously Ishida,” Ichigo beginning to sound concerned. “Did I do something wrong? Or is something going on in your home life?”

He hated how worried Ichigo was for him, he hated that he cared. “Nothing’s wrong, as I said, I’ve just been busy.” 

Ichigo didn’t believe him but dropped the subject anyway. They continued walking. “Are you going to follow me all the way home?” Ishida asked sounding annoyed.

“Well I figured since you’ve been to busy to hang out lately that now would be a good time to catch up.” Ichigo smiled innocently at Ishida, who grunts in response. “You should come train with me and the rest of the group sometime at Urahara’s.” Ichigo suggests, trying to fill the silence.

“I train by myself.” Ishida responds.

“I know but it might be good to run some group simulations together and get used to each other’s fighting style.” Ichigo states.

“I have no problem adapting to other fighting styles.” Ishida says proudly, “Besides we split up in most fights anyway.”

“Come on there’s no harm in training together, just come give it a try if you don’t like it you can leave.” Ichigo presses.

Ishida feels a nerve snap inside of him. Overwhelmed by the soul reapers presence, why couldn’t Ichigo just leave him alone like everyone else does. Sure he considers himself friends with Inoue-san, Kuchiki-san, and Sado-kun but he knows the only reason they are still friends is Ichigo. If he hadn’t met them through Ichigo they still would have ignored them in class and gone about their lives without a second thought. Ishida balls up his fist, patience all but gone.

“Ishida, I’m worried about you.” Ichigo finally says after a minute of silence. He reaches out to Ishida but before he connect his hand is smacked away

“Just leave me alone, Kurosaki.” Ishida says finally and starts walking away from his startled peer.

“What the hell, Ishida?” Ichigo starts after him, trying to contain his frustration. “The hell is your problem?” He was almost yelling now.

Ishida spun around so quickly, catching Ichigo off guard, inches away from his face. “You.”

“Wha-?”

“You are my problem Kurosaki.” Ishida spits the words like venom. “Just leave me the fuck alone.” Ishida tries to walk away again but this time Ichigo is determined to get an answer. He grabs Ishida’s forearm firmly, holding him in place.

“What do you mean, what the hell is going on with you?” Ichigo demands, his words are fierce but his eyes are full of concern. 

His damn eyes, Ishida thinks to himself, he hated those eyes just like he hated everything else about Ichigo. Deep chocolate orbs peer into his soul, under their gaze Ishida feels light and warm. He pushes that thought to the side. “Let go of me, Kurosaki.” He speaks softly, diverting his gaze away from Ichigo’s worried look. 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Ichigo replies just as softly.

Ishida squeezes his eyes shut, thinking about what he’s going to say. What he would tell the boy grasping on to him. He decides to tell the truth consequences be damned. “Kurosaki,” He whispers, meeting Ichigo’s eyes again, strong cobalt blue clashing against rich deep ochre. “Kurosaki I---”

Before he can finish his sentence there’s a large cracking noise, the ground shakes, and both of them can instantly feel the intense spiritual pressure. They look up to see the large crack in the sky. In the mouth of the crevice stands the source of the spiritual pressure. All three traitorous Gotei Thirteen captains stand ready, Beside them stand five out of the ten Espada. 

Before either of them have the opportunity to react Aizen points a finger at Ichigo, “Bakudō 61. Rikujōkōrō” He states. A spark or yellow energy burst from his fingers, summoning six beams of light that crash into Ichigo’s midsection, paralyzing him. 

“Kurosaki!” Ishida screams. Ichigo’s eyes are wide and panicked, he can’t move he can’t speak but Ishida knows what he’s trying to tell him and he won’t do it. Ichigo’s eyes plead for him to leave, to run and leave him behind. 

“No.” Ishida states glaring at Ichigo, he will not just abandon his friend. He knows the odds he’s up against his best bet is to run away and hope that either they give up pursuit or reinforcements arrive. He grabs Ichigo and starts to run as fast as Hirenkyaku will take him but it’s not enough, if it was just himself maybe he would have made it, but weighed down by Ichigo he’s just not fast enough. Grimmjow appears in a flash by his side and knocks him away sending both Ishida and Ichigo flying, but Ishida refuses to let go, he holds on to Ichigo as tight as he can, slightly surprised that the kido does not interfere with his grasp. They crash into a nearby building, Ishida making sure he lands first as to protect Ichigo. He staggers to his feet weakly, but determined. He holds Ichigo close as he stares down the blue haired Espada. He tries to run again, this time switching directions at random and making his movements unpredictable. However it was no use, his opponent is faster, and it’s only moments before he’s thrown down again. 

As Ishida struggles to stand up, still clutching the soul reaper desperately, they meet eyes again. Ichigo looks on the verge of tears, watching helplessly as his friend is struck down again and again in an attempt to protect him. He tries his best to convey to Ishida to run, to save himself, that he’ll be alright but Ishida won’t listen. “No. Goddamn it Kurosaki I’m not leaving you!” Ishida shouts. As Ishida slowly stands up he feels a sharp pain in his back. Ichigo’s eyes go wide in terror. The world around Ishida starts spinning, he coughs and tastes the bitterness of blood. 

Grimmjow smiles to himself, satisfied with his work. “Ya know,” he drawls lazily as he unceremoniously yanks his blade out from Ishida’s back, “You would have had a chance if you left his sorry ass behind.” Ishida drops to his knees still clinging desperately to his friend. He can hardly breathe, he’s shaking all over and everything feels cold. “Hell, you would’a been a fun fight ‘f you weren’t weighed down by him, too bad.” The Espada sighs.

Ichigo frantically looks into Ishida’s eyes, watching as his friend struggles to contain his pain. He can’t move, he can’t speak but he can feel Ishida’s blood seeping into his school uniform. 

Tosen approaches them calmly, heaving Ichigo from Ishida’s firm grasp and throwing him over his shoulder, before heading back to where Aizen stood. “Dispose of him, Grimmjow, find your way back when you are done.” Tosen demands dismissively. 

“Sure thing, boss.” Grimmjow says casually. 

“This was easier than I expected.” Gin says, his smile unnaturally wide. They step back through the ominous crack in the sky which slams shut moments later. Ichigo is gone. 

Ishida stares up at the sky horrified. He failed. Grimmjow stands over Ishida, blade drawn. “Come on, you could at least put up more of a fight.” He whines, “Executing people is no fun.”

Ishida doesn’t register the espadas words, instead he focuses on the sky. He stands back up again, weakly and unstable. He forms his bow again, his eyes still locked in the sky.

“Decided to put up a fight?” Grimmjow chuckles.

Ishida stumbles past Grimmjow, walking to where the crack in the sky had appeared.

“Hey, don’t think you can just ignore me!” Grimmjow shouts. He raises his blade and brings it crashing down towards Ishida’s back. The teen doesn’t have to time or strength to dodge the swing and goes crashing to the ground, leaving a large impact in the concrete. “This was boring.” Grimmjow huffs, holding his blade to Ishida’s neck. “Like I said, executing people is no fun.” 

“Then I’ll spare you the trouble!” A voice calls out. In a flash Urahara appears in front of him, stealing Ishida away from the threat of the espadas blade. His face hidden by his hat, cane in hand, guarding the wounded Quincy from his attacker. “Can you stand, Ishida-san?” He asks.

“Yes,” Ishida replies. He’s not sure if he actually can but he’ll try nonetheless. He struggles to get his feet under him and fights to find his balance but manages to get upright before collapsing again to a crouch. His chest wound leaking blood, and slash across his back stinging. 

“Good.” Urahara says, he turns back to the blue haired Espada. “Sorry but unfortunately we can’t afford to stick around. Feel free to follow us if you wish but if you do you’ll find yourself sorely outnumbered.” He smiles politely, before wrapping his arm around Ishida to help support him and then flash stepping them both away.

When they get back to Urahara’s shop Ishida is barely conscious. They immediately lay him down and begin healing Kido on him, as well as calling everyone over to talk about what just transpired. 

“Ishida-san, you’ve lost a lot of blood but I need you to stay conscious just a little longer and tell me what happened.” Urahara says calmly as Tessai works on healing him, once Inoue arrives it will be much easier to repair the damage. 

“We were walking home from school when the sky split and we felt their spiritual pressure. There were eight of them, I think they were expecting resistance. The three former captains and five arrancars.” Ishida recounts, his voice dry and horse. “Before we had a chance to act Aizen shot Kurosaki with a binding kido paralyzing him. I tried to grab him and run but I wasn’t fast enough-” He coughs up some blood. “They took him and left the Espada to ‘dispose of me’”

“I see,” Urahara murmurs deep in thought. “You did well, Ishida-san” He says smiling solemnly.

“I failed, they took him. It’s my fault.” Ishida whispers, drifting closer to losing consciousness.

“No, you did not fail. There was no way you could have taken on that large of a force and succeeded. Don’t worry, we won’t leave Kurosaki-san to suffer alone at their hands.” Ishida hears Urahara say before finally drifting to sleep.

When Ishida wakes up Inoue is by his side healing him. He focuses for a moment, sensing the spiritual pressures near him. Sado, Rukia and Renji are in the sitting room, Urahara and Yoruichi are out on in the main shop. 

“Ishida-kun!” Inoue exclaims seeing him stir, “How are you feeling?”

“Better now, thanks Inoue-san.” He says as he sits up.

“You should really stay laying down and rest for a little longer, you were hurt pretty bad.” She comments worriedly. 

“I’m alright,” Ishida rasps, “I’ve had worse. Besides we have to go, we have to go save Kurosaki.” He starts to get up hurriedly.

Inoue just looks away, “We can’t go save Kurosaki-kun,” She whispers, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “The soul society has forbidden us from entering Hueco Mundo.”

“So what? Damn the soul society, Urahara-san can get us in just like he got us into the soul society when we rescued Kuchiki-san.”

“The soul society decided to handle the situation themselves, they deployed a small elite team to go investigate in Hueco Mundo. We are waiting to hear back.” She states, “They have forbidden any outside forces from entering and interfering with their investigation.”

“So that’s it? We just sit back and wait?!” Ishida exclaims becoming frantic. “I can not just do nothing! This is my fault I have to fix this!” He stands up and walks out of the room briskly, his side aches dully when he moves but he pushes past that, leaving Inoue alone.

“Ishida-kun!” She calls after him. 

Ishida enters the sitting room where Sado, Rukia and Renji are drinking tea.

“Ishida!” Rukia exclaims as he bursts into the room. “What are you doing up, you should be resting.”

“I don’t have time to rest, we have to go.” He states.

“Ishida, we can’t go.” Renji replies.

“Why? Because the soul society say so? That hasn’t stopped us in the past.” He argues.

“This is different, the soul society has taken action and launched a stealth team to infiltrate Hueco Mundo and retrieve Kurosaki.” Rukia says, “We will wait until they report back and then we’ll decide what to do. It shouldn’t be long until they report back, they’ve been gone for a few days.”

“A few days? How long have I been out?” 

“It’s been three days.” Rukia replies, “the soul society launched the investigation team almost instantly.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m going.” Ishida argues, “I’m not going to leave Kurosaki’s fate in the hands of the soul society.” He says bitterly. Rukia frowns deeply at his comment but doesn’t argue, recounting the reason behind Ishida’s distrust of the soul society.

“Ishida.” Sado speaks calmly, “We’ll wait.”

Ishida glares at his friend, “If it were any of us taken he wouldn’t hesitate, regardless of what the soul society says.” With that Ishida leaves the room and finds Urahara and Yoruichi.

“I know what you’re going to ask, Ishida-san.” Urahara speaks as Ishida enters the front of the store where he lounges lazily. “And you already know my answer.” 

“This is a convenient moment for everyone to start listening to the soul society.” Ishida spits.

“In this I trust the soul society. They know how powerful Kurosaki-san is, they know they’ll need that power to defeat Aizen.” Urahara says. “If they fail in their investigation then I will interfere, but not before.”

 

That night the soul society concludes their investigation. Rukia receives a Hell Butterfly carrying the news. She relays what it says out loud. “We have concluded the investigation into the kidnapping of substitute soul reaper Kurosaki Ichigo. Upon investigation we have recovered-” She pauses, her face contorting in pain, “We have recovered his body.” Inoue gasps and falls to her knees. “Furthermore, we have had the head captain of the fourth division examine the body. It is her findings that Kurosaki Ichigo is -- dead.”

Inoue sobs openly on the floor, Sado is quick to comfort her, putting his hand on her shoulder before she pulls him into a hug. Rukia stands there in shock at the report she just received. Renji leans against the wall, covering his face with his hand.

“Is that all it says” Ishida asks, his voice strained.

“No, it continues. We will be releasing his body to his family as well as the full medical report. We will no longer continue to investigate this matter after uncovering these findings.”

Ishida feels like he’s about to scream. He turns and runs out of the building, and keeps running down the street not to any particular location. He needs to run, to process what just happened. A thought keeps repeating in his head: it’s your fault.


	2. Memories in the Rain

Chapter 2  
Memories in the Rain

Rain pours from the sky steadily, soaking him to the bone. It’s dark outside, nearing midnight. The pavement beats consistently under his feet as he thinks back to that fateful moment. His body is on fire, legs screaming in pain, lungs burning, fresh wounds aching but he keeps running. He can’t stop. The thoughts in his head are rushing as fast as his legs. Those few moments before everything went wrong are all he has now.

_It’s been months since he finally came to realize it and at first he thought he could ignore it, he thought he could continue on like nothing had changed. But it didn’t work. Ishida found he was too observant for his own good. He found he could read the subtle changes on his face, when he was being polite or when he was genuinely happy. He could tell what went on in his mind, how his chocolate eyes would reveal everything if you could read them. Ishida found he was too observant for his own good, and he couldn’t ignore it._

He ran without direction or purpose, completely on autopilot. He feared what would happen when he finally stopped, and he knew he would have to stop eventually. It all seemed surreal, the fight, getting injured, waking up in Urahara’s shop and finding his friend was dead. This had to be a bad dream. He found himself in that park they first battled together in, thrown back in nostalgia of a simpler time. He kept going though.

_He wondered when it started had it been at the park? Or was it in the soul society? Or was it later on? He wasn’t sure but it was there, slowly growing like a flame overtaking a forest, growing in size and heat until it engulfs everything. It had burned through every part of him, it occupied his thoughts without fail. He couldn’t ignore the feeling building so he decided to ignore the source and hope that would lessen the effects, so he starts avoiding him._

He runs past the Kurosaki Family Clinic and has to bite back tears. Inside is a happy family. A family that already went through the loss of a loved one and did not deserve to go through it again.

_It was during a clear night Ishida learned of the fate of Ichigo’s mother. Ishida was fighting a hollow by the river when Ichigo came crashing in and delivered the finishing blow._

_“Kurosaki. What are you doing here?”_

_“I felt a hollow and came to check it out, I guess you beat me to it.”_

_“I had it under control, you did not need to interfere.”_

_“I know, but I figured I’d stop by and say hi. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked anyways, Ishida.” He says smiling warmly._  
  
“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” He lies.

_“Yeah.” Kurosaki stares out at the water, his eyes traveling to somewhere else. They stand there in silence for a few minutes, taking in the peace of the night._

_“My mother died here.” He says finally._

_Ishida doesn’t know what to say, how to react._

_“I was young and couldn’t tell the difference between souls and humans yet. It was a rainy day and the river was high and raging. I saw a girl standing here on the banks and was worried about her being swept away. I ran to help her, my mother ran after me trying to stop me- to warn me. It happened in a flash and at the time I didn’t understand what had happened, all I knew was it was my fault.”_

_“Kurosaki-”_

_“I know now, it wasn’t an ordinary soul, it was a hollow. A hollow who would lure people with high spiritual pressure to him and then devour them. He lured me in but my mother saved me, she was killed instead. I know now that there wasn’t anything I could’ve done to save her but I’ll always feel guilty.” He closes his eyes and sets his jaw, trying to keep his emotions contained._

_“Kurosaki.” Ishida finally spoke again, Ichigo’s attention snapping to him. “It’s okay to feel guilty, but it wasn’t your fault.” Ishida sighs heavily, “I feel the same way about my Grandfather.” Ishida says reminiscently._

_They stay there and watch the water for another hour in comfortable silence, nothing needed to be said. Both of them understand each other perfectly._

Ishida’s phone goes off for the twelfth time that night, it’s probably Inoue trying to find him. He doesn’t bothering answering, he already knows how that conversation would go.

_That day Ichigo decided to see why his friend had been so scarce lately. When confronted Ishida was struck with how to react. He could come clean, admit what had been going on with him or he continue on the way things had been. When pressed he made his decision, for better or worse, to concede. That’s when everything went wrong._

Ishida found himself where it happened, a few blocks away from the school. All the evidence of a battle had been replaced, repaired by the soul society quickly. He stops. He stands where he stood three days ago with his friend. He stands where his dead friend last stood. Dead. _He stops_. He looks around replaying the events in his mind, reliving the final moments of Kurosaki Ichigo. He stops running. He looks to the sky where he was carried away. He can’t tell if the liquid on his face was rain or tears, or both. He failed, no matter what Urahara says, he failed. He was unable to save his friend and because of that Kurosaki Ichigo is dead. He stops running and realizes his friend is dead. The weight of what happened finally hits Ishida as he falls to his knees, landing on the ground with a splash. He screams, his voice laced with agony, and then he sobs. As he sits there he finally finishes saying what he was telling Ichigo.

“Kurosaki, I’m in love with you.”

 

  
Ishida finally makes it back to his small apartment. He peels his soaked clothes off him, takes a warm shower and re-dresses. He decides to check his phone, 17 missed calls and 23 unread text messages. Almost all of them from Inoue. He hits redial and she picks up almost instantly.

“Ishida-kun?”

“Inoue-san.”

“Oh thank goodness, we were so worried about you after you took off like that, where are you, are you okay?” She blurts out.

“I’m fine, I’m at my apartment.” He replies calmly.

“Okay.” She sounds relieved, “Urahara wants us all to come back to his place tomorrow morning to discuss things. For now you should get some rest Ishida-kun.”

“You as well, Inoue-san. I’ll see you in the morning.” He says quietly before hanging up.

That night he dreams of Kurosaki being dragged away and tortured, he calls out his name in pain, pleading for Ishida to come save him but it’s no use, no one can save him from his fate. He sees Kurosaki’s damaged body, bruised and beaten laying on an autopsy table, lifeless. The corpse looks up at him, blood pouring from it’s wounds. “ _Why_?” It rasps, “ _Why didn’t you come save me_?”

Ishida wakes with a start, jolting upright. He rubs his hand over his face and prepares some coffee, it’s morning already. With some sleep his head seems to be clearer, he analyzes what has happened before something strikes him. He forgoes the coffee, leaving it half prepared on the counter as he hastily pulls on clothes and rushes out of his house and to Urahara’s shop.


	3. Denial

Chapter Three  
Denial

 

Ishida sprints to Urahara's shop. With each step he is more and more convinced that Kurosaki Ichigo is not dead. He bursts into the front door of the shop, not bothering with pleasantries. It's terribly early in the morning and while most households would still be asleep at this time, he finds Urahara lounging in the main sitting room reading at the table. 

"Ishida-San!" The man exclaims, looking up from his reading, "you are extremely early, the others won't be here for several hours."

"I am aware," Ishida replies, "I needed to discuss something with you, Urahara-San."

"Oh?" Urahara coos in curiosity.

"There's a few things that don't make sense regarding... Kurosaki's death." Ishida struggles saying those last words as if they were poison in his mouth. "Why would Aizen go through the trouble of capturing him unharmed just to kill him"

Urahara hides his expression behind his hat and remains silent.

"Furthermore," Ishida continues, "There's a chance the body they recovered is false. Aizen managed to almost flawlessly recreate his own body with his 'perfect hypnosis', he could have done the same thing here with Kurosaki's body."

Urahara sighs heavily, "These are very good points Ishida-San, but I have already explored these possibilities. Knowing Aizen he would have tried to manipulate Kurosaki-San, he would attempt to use his perfect hypnosis on him or some other form of control to ensure he had access to Kurosaki-san's power. He would try to turn Kurosaki-San, he would try to make him his subordinate but Kurosaki-San is strong both physically and in his convictions. Aizen would not be successful in turning his loyalties. I surmise that once he failed to gain Kurosaki-san's support he would have neutralized him. He was Aizen's biggest threat, if Aizen could not gain his power then killing him would be his only option." Urahara looks up, his face no longer obstructed by his hat. He looks disheveled, there are deep bags under his eyes and his normal cheerful demeanor has completely vanished, replaced by a gloomy shell of the man Ishida has come to know. "As for the body that was recovered, I trust Captain Unohana not to be fooled by the same rouse twice. However when the body is delivered I will make a full examination. Furthermore Aizen was able to disguise his body using perfect hypnosis but none of us have been placed under hypnosis so when the body is delivered we will be able to tell definitively if it is in fact Kurosaki Ichigo recovered. The body should be arriving before your friends come so we will all have a chance to see it and pay our respects this morning."

With that Urahara excuses himself and exits the room, leaving Ishida alone. He sits down at the table and waits in thick silence for his friends to arrive.

It's several hours later when Sado comes walking in, his shoulders hunched over in defeat. The color has drained from his face, and while Sado isn't a big conversationalist there's a distinct difference between normal quiet Sado and Sado who's too depressed to talk. He nods his head politely at Ishida as he enters the room, Ishida attempts to smile back at him but fails miserably. Rukia and Inoue are the next to arrive, they come in together, with Rukia clutching Orihime's arm and navigating her through the room. Orihime herself looks to be in a daze, her eyes are puffy and her face flushed, it is clear that she has been crying. Renji arrives last, the air around him seems strained, filled with anger. 

They all sit around the small circular table as Urahara hands them each cups of tea. "This has been and especially troubling turn of events for all of us. I have spoken to Kurosaki Isshin, he agreed to allow me to assess Kurosaki-San's recovered body. The body was delivered just recently. I have begun preliminary examinations and am awaiting results from blood panels. I can definitively tell you that this body has not been fabricated through Aizen's hypnosis technique, however I will not give you my final conclusion regarding the body until all of my tests have been completed, it will just be a few hours. Until then you guys can speak amongst yourselves, this is a tragic event, you five need to be there for each other." 

Inoue is the first to talk, "I cannot believe this is happening" she whispers and before anyone can reply she's sobbing again. Rukia is quick to pull the sobbing girl into a hug, her eyes watering as well.

Renji slams his fist into the table, "Damn it!" He yells, "Why does it have to be him. I'm going to fucking kill Aizen and everyone if his goddamn espada. They'll pay for this." 

"Renji." Rukia tries to rein him in.

"What?!"

"Aizen knew where to hit us, he knew what would hurt us the most. Everyone of us wants to run in and exact revenge but we must not act rashly, if we just storm Las Noches without a plan we'll all end up dead. Ichigo wouldn't want that." She says calmly.

"Kuchiki-San is right, Abari." Ishida adds quietly.

"Like you're one to talk, Ishida." Renji snaps back.

"What does that mean?" Ishida responds.

"You were there and you didn't stop them." Renji states. Ishida glares at him, he wants to object to say it's not his fault but he blames himself.

"Renji!" Rukia snaps causing Renji to flinch and go quiet. 

"We don't even know for sure if the body is truly his." Ishida whispers. Chad hums in acknowledgment. "I refuse to believe it until we know for sure."

They sit in relative silence for another hour, occasionally speaking quietly amongst themselves about what will happen if they find that is really Ichigo's corpse. Finally Urahara returns, he looks more tired than before, in his hand he holds a stack of papers. Everyone sits completely still, anxious to hear the results.

"I have completed my examination." He says his voice strained, "all my tests came back positive. This body is in fact Kurosaki Ichigo" 

The air is thick, nobody moves, nobody breathes, nobody speaks. They all sit there paralyzed.

Urahara continues, "At this time you are welcome to see the body if you would like to pay your respects and say goodbye, Kurosaki Isshin will be here in two hours to retrieve the body and make preparations."

They all agree to take turns seeing Ichigo so that they have privacy. 

Everyone lets Inoue go first, knowing how she obviously felt about him. She comes out of the room where he's kept shaken, tears rolling down her face but tries to smile nonetheless. 

Sado goes next, they have been close friends for years, always had each other's backs. When he emerges he looks the same except the coin he wears around his neck is missing. 

Renji follows after, although they haven't known each other for long, after they were done trying to kill each other they became good friends. Their similar personalities made them seem almost like brothers. He looks less angry after seeing Ichigo and more deflated.

Rukia gets up from her seat and enter the room after Renji returns. They were best friends, they understood each other perfectly. They could rely on each other for anything. Once in the room, alone with the lifeless remains of her closest friend Rukia finally breaks down and sobs openly. She stays in there for almost an hour holding his hand and crying.

Finally it's Ishida's turn. He takes a deep breath and readies himself for what he's about to face. Inside lies Kurosaki Ichigo on a metal examination table, a white sheet covering his body. He takes another deep breath and pulls the sheet down away from his face. He feels bile in the back of his throat. Familiar orange hair contrasts against the white sheet. He looks down and sees Sado's necklace around Ichigo's neck. He pulls the sheet further down, down to his hips, and sees the various scars Ichigo had collected over the course of several fights. He places his hand on his chest, it's cold to touch unlike the warmth Ichigo always radiated. He trails his hand up his collarbone to his face, cupping his cheek lightly. "I'm sorry Kurosaki," he murmurs, "but I'm not going to believe it unless I check." His hand go up to Ichigo's eye. "Forgive me." He states as he gently peels open his eyelid. 

Ishida was too observant for his own good. He knew every detail of Ichigo's chocolate eyes, whenever they made eye contact Ishida would become mesmerized, and soon he found himself to be an expert when it came to Ichigo's eyes. They weren't completely brown, if you looked closely enough you could see a thin ring of green around his pupils. He could tell his thoughts, his mood, his feelings just by looking at Kurosaki's eyes.

When Ishida carefully pulled back an eyelid he was shocked at what he saw. They were dark, nearly black, nothing close to the golden brown orbs Ishida has come to know. He scowls, re-covers the body with the sheet and storms out of the room.

The others could sense his anger when he emerges. "Ishida-Kun, what's wrong?" Inoue sniffs. 

"That's not him" Ishida whispers.

"Ishida I know it's a lot to take in but-" Rukia states before she's interrupted.

"That's not him!" Ishida states loudly this time. "His eyes, they're too dark, it can't be him."

"I'm sorry Ishida-San but all my tests came back positive. The DNA matched, that is Kurosaki Ichigo." Urahara states calmly.

"That's not Kurosaki."

"Maybe you are over analyzing this Ishida-kun." Inoue says gently.

"I refuse to believe that the body in there is Kurosaki." He says before he storms out of the building.


	4. Isolation

Chapter Four

Isolation 

  
It had been a week. He refused to go to the funeral. His phone was overrun with messages from Inoue and Sado, he was pretty sure his voicemail box was now full. He read the messages and listened to the voicemails but never responded. He eventually turned off his phone after receiving an especially frustrating voicemail.

“Ishida-kun, I know you are getting these messages, we are all worried about you. We are all meeting at Urahara’s shop tomorrow evening to discuss everything. There’s been a recent development concerning Kurosaki Isshin. Urahara told us that he requested a Gigai of Kurosaki-kun be made for Kon to use. I guess Kurosaki-san isn’t ready to inform his daughters of Kurosaki-kun’s death and has decided to use Kon to fill Kurosaki-kun’s place-”

At hearing that Ishida threw his phone at the wall, shattering it.

_He wasn’t dead_ , he thought to himself, _Kurosaki is not dead_. This had become his mantra he said to himself several times a day.

He began attending classes again the next day, using the excuse of a family emergency for his recent lack of attendance. He wasn’t prepared for it. To see the bright orange hair and cheerful smile he had come to know. He could immediately tell it was Kon from his spiritual pressure, but the gigai was very convincing. As was Kon’s acting, he acted normal, he was mostly quiet unless irritated, he interacted with Keigo and Mizuiro comfortably, and as far as it seemed none of his classmates seemed to notice. That was until Tatsuki arrived. Upon entering the classroom she set her bag on her desk and went around greeting her friends, but the longer she was in the classroom the more she would glare at Kon, trying to figure out what had changed with her childhood friend. Soon enough class had started and Ishida sat there and pretended to pay attention. Inoue showed up an hour into class and kept throwing worried glances towards him, ignoring her altogether. When class was dismissed for lunch Ishida was quick to leave the room before Inoue could stop him to talk.

She started after him but was intercepted, “Orihime,” Tatsuki grabs her shoulder lightly, “We need to talk,” She said quietly, a troubled expression on her face. They headed out to the field and sat under their usual tree.

“What’s wrong Tatsuki-chan?” Orihime asks concerned.

“It’s Ichigo.” Tatsuki whispers, “There’s something off about him. Like he doesn’t feel right. I can always sense him, like I can sense you, or Sado, or even Ishida; but now he feels like a completely different person.”

“Maybe he’s just going through some changes.” Orihime lies. She looks away, hiding her face, she has never been good at lying. “I should go Tatsuki-chan, I have to catch up on the school work I missed these last few days.” She says before getting up and leaving before Tatsuki can stop her.

Orihime’s explanation only deepened Tatsuki’s curiosity on the matter. Ishida was found in the library reading up on their literature homework. Tatsuki sits next across from him at the small table, though he does not acknowledge her. “Ishida, we need to talk.”

“About what, Arisawa-san.” He asks, not looking up from his book.

“About Ichigo.” Ishida freezes, “I know there’s something going on with him but Orihime won’t tell me what.”

Ishida says nothing and turns his attention back to his book.

“Ishida, tell me what’s going on,” Tatsuki pushes, “I’m not completely clueless, I know Ichigo has powers, and so do you, and Orihime and Sado.”

Ishida looks at Tatsuki surprised, she was always very observant. Ishida sighs, “You cannot tell anyone what I am about to tell you, not even Orihime; and you must act like you always have or you will raise suspicions.” Ishida says sternly. “The person in class today is not Kurosaki Ichigo. His name is Kon, he’s an artificially created soul in an artificially created body, filling in for Kurosaki.”

“If that’s not Ichigo, where is he?”

“The official report is that he’s dead.” Ishida says coldly, “But I don’t believe that.”

Ishida spends the rest of lunch period explaining the recent events. By the end of it Tatsuki looks close to tears.

“So,” she whispers, “Either he’s dead or he’s captured and held at the mercy of his enemy.” She buries her head in her hands. “Thanks for telling me, Ishida. I promise I won’t say anything.”

Ishida manages to get through the whole school day without speaking to Inoue.

The next day Sado is back in class. It’ll be hard for him to avoid both of them, Ishida thinks. Luckily before class they are both too occupied by their other friends, though Ishida finds them staring at him often. Lunch period doesn’t go as smoothly. As soon as class is dismissed Ishida is out of his chair and headed for the door when he finds his path blocked by the mountain that is Sado.

“Ishida. We need to talk.”

“Later.” Ishida says firmly before trying to push past Sado.

“No, now Ishida, you’ve been avoiding us for over a week now.” Sado says, not backing down.

“We don’t need to talk, there’s nothing for us to talk about.” Ishida insists. But Sado is done with Ishida’s avoidance, he grabs Ishida’s shoulder firmly and walks them out of the classroom and to the roof.

When they reach the roof Sado lets go, “you can’t keep avoiding the truth forever, Ishida, you need to face this.”

“No I don’t, there is not anything for me to face yet. That body in Urahara’s possession is not Kurosaki.”

“You’re basing your entire argument off of what? The color of a dead man’s eyes? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?!” Sado say’s irritated.

“Yes.” Ishida responds, “I understand if you think I’m being irrational but stop trying to tell me to give up and accept his death, I will never accept his death.”

“Ishida you’re blinding yourself from the truth! Is this because of what Renji said? You know it’s not your fault.” Sado raises his voice in frustration. “It’s like you are ignoring the truth to spare yourself the burden of feeling guilty.”

“It is my fault.” Ishida hisses, “I’m not afraid to admit that, and wouldn’t it be better if he were dead. That way I could have closure!” He starts to shout, tears threatening to spill. “But he’s not, and for all I know that could be worse than being dead. If he was dead I could be comforted in the fact that his soul would be reborn but instead every night I get to lay awake and imagine all the cruel things Aizen is doing to the person I love most.” Tears are streaming down his face now, he realizes what he just said and his face burns red.

“Ishida-kun…” Inoue is standing in the doorway to the roof, eyes wide. “You were in love with Kurosaki-kun?” She asks quietly.

Ishida looks away, and mutters, “I am in love with him, stop talking to me like he’s dead.” Before he uses Hirenkyaku to disappear. Luckily Sado and Inoue don’t pursue him, not like it would matter, he’s much faster than them. He skips the rest of school that day and spends the day wandering around aimlessly. He’s not dead, he thinks, but is that preferable? Aizen is cruel and sick, he has no moral boundaries and will stop at nothing to get what he wants.


	5. A Year

  
Chapter Five  
A Year

Renji sat at the table in Urahara’s, it had been five days since the body of Kurosaki Ichigo had been undeniably confirmed as authentic. Five days since they all had to face the reality of their friend’s death, all of them but Ishida, who refused to attend any meetings or speak to any of them on the matter. Urahara had called the meeting to discuss what would happen next. He was surprised to see the older Kurosaki sitting at the table next to Urahara. Inoue, Rukia, and Sado were also in attendance.

“I know you all must be surprised to see me.” Kurosaki Isshin spoke quietly, it was strange to hear him so calm, usually he was high energy and cheerful. “I have made a decision on how to handle Ichigo’s passing.”

“Kurosaki-san has asked me for help in this matter,” Urahara cut in, “He has decided that it would be easier on his daughters if he hid the matter of Kurosaki Ichigo’s fate with them.”

Renji seethes at these words, “So you are just going to hide his death from his sisters?”

“Renji!” Rukia scolds, “This is not your decision, nor your place to judge.”

“This is not a decision I’ve reached lightly.” Kurosaki Isshin continues, “If I were tell my daughters about Ichigo’s death I would also have to explain to them the existence of the soul society and their own natural talents. I would rather spare them that knowledge, and also spare them the pain of losing their brother.”

“Kurosaki-san asked me to create a gigai of Kurosaki Ichigo-san. Kon the mod soul will inhabit the body and resume Kurosaki Ichigo’s role.”

“You’re replacing Ichigo with a goddamned Mod-soul? Are you fucking kidding me?” Renji was done, he couldn’t handle what he was hearing.

“Renji!” Rukia snapped, punching him harshly in his side.

“I understand if this is hard for you to accept and I am not asking you to be his friend or that he replace Ichigo in terms of your friendship, all I ask is that you guys do not reveal my son’s true fate to my daughters or anyone else.” Kurosaki Isshin says calmly.

And with that the meeting dispersed. Rukia, Sado and Inoue stuck around to pay their respects to Kurosaki Isshin, but Renji couldn’t handle it anymore. He left the shop and opened the senkaimon and returned to the soul society. He went to that courtyard in the soul society where Ichigo defeated him, where he considered their friendship started. Took a deep breath and let it bubble inside him. He finally let his feelings pour out, he screamed. An angry sob of despair, frustration and self hatred. He stood there and screamed until his throat was raw, tears were streaming down his cheeks. He cursed in his head. He cursed Isshin for not honoring his dead son, he cursed Urahara for helping Isshin, he cursed Ishida for denying the truth and cursed him further for allowing Ichigo to be taken, he cursed Aizen for taking his friend away from him. And deep down he cursed himself for failing his friend, for being fooled by Aizen, for falling for his ruse all those years and because he was too daft to see through the trick his friend was dead.

 

A month passes and while the death of Ichigo was still fresh in everyone’s minds things had returned to some semblance of normalcy. Inoue and Sado found themselves becoming friends with Kon, who was not as high strung and crazy as they initially thought. Ishida was still avoiding them, though they were civil towards each other, Ishida refused to converse past bare formalities.

Inoue had added a picture to the altar she kept in memorial for her brother, which also now shared its space with a picture of Ichigo smiling brightly. Everynight before bed she would speak with them. Her conversations with her brother were always the same, updates on how school was, on her friends and her new recipes. However her conversations with Ichigo were sporadic.

“Kurosaki-kun, how are you doing? I hope you are well. Kuchiki-kun said your soul would be reborn into the soul society. I hope you’re happy there.” She smiles weakly, “I really miss you,” she starts crying, “Everyday I wait for you to come to class with your usual scowl, and I see a kid with bright orange hair and everyone calls him Kurosaki-kun but it’s not you. He smiles too much to be you, I loved seeing you smile but you don’t smile the Kon-kun does.” She sniffles and rubs her eyes, “I.. I wish it were me. I wish I had died instead of you. Everyone depends on you, everyone loves you, you have family who need you, I’m not as important as you. I can’t defeat Aizen like you could, the soul society needs you.” She hangs her head in shame, “I wish I had taken your place. I wish I had died instead of you.” She says firmly determined, “You would be so mad at me for saying that. You would probably yell at me for saying something like that. I know you would do anything to keep any of us safe, even give your life but… I’m not as important as you. It should’ve been me.”

  
Two months had gone by and Sado had recently stopped coming to school. He found himself stuck. Before he had gone to school to see his friends but with Ishida avoiding everyone, Rukia and Renji back in the soul society and Inoue in a constant state of despair he found no reason to attend class to socialize.

Sado found himself again at a point in his life where he had no purpose. He would sleep go to work and repeat, he had given up his hobbies, quit his band and only worked the bare minimum hours to afford rent. He found himself drained of all energy, even the simplest tasks left him feeling exhausted. Before when he found himself devoid of purpose like this Ichigo had stumbled into his life and given him meaning, given him something to fight for but now he had nothing to fight for, nothing to die for, nothing to live for.

 

A year passes and slowly everyone recovers from their loss, Sado finally goes back to school after a firm lecture from Rukia, Inoue finally comes to terms with the loss of the man she was in love with and Renji’s anger burns out.

On the anniversary Rukia visits Ichigo’s gravesite. Since to most people Ichigo is still alive he does not have an official grave. Instead his remains lay in the grave next to his mothers, with a beautiful headstone that remains nameless, instead it reads: _A son, A brother, A protector. You are missed._

She sits by the grave and lights some incense. “Hey, Ichigo.” She says warmly, “Can you believe it’s been a year since we’ve seen each other. I hope you’re happy wherever you are in the soul society. Everythings finally pretty much gone back to normal. Except for Ishida, I worry about him, he still refuses to accept your death. Other than that things have been good. The soul society is finishing up making preparations for facing Aizen and his army, we’ve even convinced the Vizard to help us, they miss you too. Anyway I should get going, I miss you, and I hope I run into your soul again in the soul society.” She says as she stands to leave, “ Wherever you are I hope you are at peace and happy.”

 

A year has passed since that fateful day, a year spent sitting in the dark. Kurosaki Ichigo sits curled up in his cell, chained to the wall. The door opens and he cringes at the sudden intrusion of light. He curls up in a ball dreading what comes next.

“Kurosaki!” A voice calls out. At first Ichigo has a hard time placing where he knows that voice from. He associates that voice with safety, with friendship. “Kurosaki!” He looks up, it had been an eternity since he last heard that voice, he’s long since lost track of time. In the doorway stands a dark haired boy clad in white sporting a bright blue glowing bow.

“I-Ishida?” 


	6. A Year: Part Two

 

Chapter Six

A Year: Part Two

Everyone was so quick to give up hope. They abandoned the possibilities and accepted the ‘truth’. Everyone except for Ishida. He refused to give up.

“Urahara-san.” He first sought out help from the shop owner. “I need you to get me into Hueco Mundo.”

“Ishida-san, you know I can’t do that.” Urahara sighs, “This isn’t healthy, Ishida-san, we’re all worried about you.”

“I know everyone doesn’t understand, I know you all think I’m crazy. But what if I’m right.” Ishida argues. “What if I’m right and he’s alive, what if he’s there being subjected to unimaginable horrors at Aizen’s hand and we’re all just giving up on him. That’s a chance I’m not going to take.”

“Ishida-san, I performed the autopsy myself, that corpse was definitely Kurosaki Ichigo. He’s dead.” Urahara says firmly but gently.

“Aizen’s tricked you before. You are an incredibly talented scientist, but so is Aizen. It’s not so far fetched to imagine he’s found a way to perfectly replicate Kurosaki’s body!” Ishida argues. “Please, I just need you to get me into Hueco Mundo, I’ll take it from there, I just need a way in!”

“Ishida-san I cannot in good conscious let you into Hueco Mundo. It’s a very dangerous place.” Urahara states. “I’m sorry but the answer is no.”

“You’re all abandoning him.” Ishida mutters coldly before leaving the shop.

 

Ishida deicides he must go through extreme lengths to attempt to access Hueco Mundo. Next he goes to his estranged father, Ishida Ryuken. He enters the large hospital office where Ryuken sat working on paperwork.

“Yes?” He asks stiffly.

“I need to go to Hueco Mundo, do you know of any way to get there.”

“No, I never concerned myself with Quincy matters, I do not know of anyway we could access it, however you might find something in your grandfather’s notes.” Ryuken states without looking up from his work.

“Thanks” He says as he turns to leave the office.

“This is about the Kurosaki boy.” Ryuken states as Ishida reaches the door.

Uryu doesn’t respond.

“Don’t waste your time chasing a whim, there’s definitive proof he’s dead, accept it and move on. I did not raise you to be a fool who ignores clear proof” Ryuken scolds.

“You did not raise me at all.” Uryu snaps as he exits the office.


	7. Kurosaki Ichigo

By the time the kido wears off he’s strapped down to a steel table. He strains, fights as hard as he can to free himself. One thing pulses in his mind rythmically, like the beat of a drum: Ishida. He’s got to get free. He’s got to go save him. This is all his fault, he allowed himself to be caught off guard, and now Ishida’s going to pay the price. 

“Stop fidgeting, it is very annoying.” Aizen slurs lazily.

“Fuck off!” Ichigo grunts, redoubling his efforts to free himself. “Let me go!”

“Now Kurosaki-san, why would I go through all this trouble of catching you just to let you go at your request.” Aizen smirks darkly, “Don’t say such foolish things.”

“What do you even want with me?!” 

“Ah, yes, I suppose you have a right to know.” Aizen stands from the stool he was sitting on and begins pacing. The room is grand, almost like a ballroom, with a large white table and a lone throne grandly placed on a raised platform on the north side. Aizen’s shoes clack against the cold marble floor as he paces. “Simply put, I want your power. I would wish for you to give it willingly but, if need be, I am prepared to take it by force.”

“So what, you want me to join you?” Ichigo asks.

“Basically, yes.”

Ichigo begins chuckling, a low and dangerous rumble. “You know,” He looks Aizen straight in the eyes, smirking. “Urahara-san always said you were so fuckin’ smart, but I think he was wrong.”

“Oh?” Aizen coos in curiosity.

“Because if you thought I would ever join you, that I would ever betray my friends; then you are the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever met.” Ichigo deadpans, staring Aizen down with dark and serious eyes. “I will never help you.”

“What a shame.” Aizen sighs, turning his back to the young man. “Though that is to be expected, I suppose. Szayel, bring the Hogyoku.”

“Of course, Aizen-sama,” a voice out of Ichigo’s vision speaks. He hears footsteps depart, clacking on the floor.

“You see, Kurosaki-san, you may be unwilling to join my forces but there may be a part of you willing.” Aizen turns around to face him, “Your hollow may very well jump at the opportunity of being in permanent control over your body.” 

Just at hearing that statement Ichigo feels the hollow welling inside of him, eager at the prospect. “Don’t you fucking dare.” Ichigo warns the hollow.

“Looks like I might be king soon, huh?” The creature responds.

 

Szayel returns with the Hogyoku, presenting it to Aizen with a deep bow. “Thank you, Szayel.” Aizen states stiffly as he snatches away the small orb and brushes the espada off. “This, Kurosaki-san, is the Hogyoku. I am sure Urahara Kisuke has explained its function.”

Ichigo glares back.

“Normally I would use this to create an arrancar from a powerful Hollow. I also unintentionally created the Vizard with this. You however are a vizard without the use of the Hogyoku. Haven’t you ever wondered what you could become if you used the power of the Hogyoku on yourself?”

“No,” Ichigo grunts, “Because I’m not a sick fuck like you.”

“Call me what you will, at heart I am a scientist, and I am quite eager to start this experiment.” Aizen approaches the incapacitated soul reaper. He looms over him, Hogyoku in hand. In an instant, Aizen thrusts the small orb into Ichigo’s chest, which immediately absorbs the item. Ichigo screams in agony as his body loses control, his head is thrown back and the hollowfication process begins. White fluid flows out of his mouth, a hole painfully carves itself in his chest where the Hogyoku was forced. His hands and feet form sharp, pale claw; and red hair bursts out, growing in length until it reaches his lower back.

The mask stops forming, his eyes are black with bright orange irises. He leans forward in the chair, testing out the restraints.

“Hello, I am Aizen Sosuke,” Aizen greets politely, “What is your name?”

“Don’t have one really, King calls me Shiro though,” the hollow replies.

“It is nice to meet you, Shiro.” Aizen smiles, “I assume you heard all that I spoke to Kurosaki Ichigo about?” 

“Yeah, you want me to take control, as long as I fight for you.” 

“Essentially yes, you are free to do whatever you wish, as long as when the time comes you help me defeat the soul society”

The hollow is silent as he considers the man’s proposal. “I would keep control after you have reached your goal?”

“What you do afterwards is your choice. What I am able to offer you is an advantage, by using the Hogyoku I can turn Kurosaki Ichigo into an arrancar, which will make it much easier for you to keep control of this body. His body is not yet done transforming, if you do not agree I will stop the process.”

“I’ll do it.”

“This does not guarantee control, but rather makes it easier for you to be in control.”

“I getcha, just do it.”

“It is already happening, soon the metamorphosis will be complete. Kurosaki Ichigo's soul will become more hollow than soul reaper.” Aizen states. “When I remove the Hogyoku he will have a chance to fight for control. Ready yourself.”

Shiro grunts in acknowledgment. Aizen's fingers wrap around the orb glowing in Ichigo's chest, yanking it out forcefully. Shiro lets out a loud howl.

Ichigo was ready, waiting for the moment the Hogyoku was removed. He ambushes the hollow, jumping at him with Zangetsu raised in the air. Ichigo brings the large blade down on the unsuspecting hollow. Shiro attempts to dodge but Ichigo is too quick and slashes through his shoulder. 

“You can't stay king forever,” the hollow rasps, laying on the side of a skyscraper in Ichigo's mindscape. “‘specially not now, you can feel it. I'm more powerful now, it won't be long before I get control.”

“I will never relinquish control to you.” Ichigo claims defiantly. 

Shiro’s howl quiets. Ichigo looks up, Aizen standing over him expectantly. “Oh, Kurosaki Ichigo.” He coos, “I was not expecting you to prevail.”

“Fuck off.” Ichigo pants, “I've been fighting the fucking hollow for some time now, giving him a small advantage like this isn't gonna change anything. I'll still beat him.”

“Then, I will have to lend him my assistance.” Aizen smirks ominously. “I will enjoy breaking you, Kurosaki Ichigo.” 

Aizen pulls out his zanpakto, holding it infront of Ichigo's face, “Shatter, Kyoka Suigetsu.”

After Being exposed to the hypnosis process Aizen delivers a swift blow to Ichigo's head, knocking him unconscious.

 

He hears Ishida scream, Call out to help him. “Kurosaki! Please!” He struggles to reach him, to save his friend but something is holding him back. He feels a dull pain in his wrists, he looks down. He's chained to a wall out in the middle of the Hueco Mundo desert, sand whips around him in a harsh wind, scraping at his skin. The sky above is pitch black. Thick metal cuffs are shackled to his wrists and feet, warm blood dribbles down his arms from where the metal has dug into his skin. Ishida screams in agony, a shivering sob of pain. It vibrates through his entire being, a cry loud enough to reach him at this distance, filled with so much agony. Ichigo's mind wanders to the conversation they were having before this happened. Ishida, what were you trying to tell me? The boy suddenly shrieks, high pitched and terrifying; but what is even more horrifying is that the shriek is suddenly cut off, replaced by empty silence. 

“Ishida!” Ichigo shouts only to find himself in a different location. His arms are indeed shackled, he is stuck to a wall in a dim concrete room. A dream. The room is 10x10 with a cubby cut out of the the wall to serve as a bed. However it does not provide any comforts of a bed, the cubby is four feet wide, barely long enough for Ichigo to lay down, and just tall enough for him to sit up, the cold stone is only padded by a thin wool blanket. He shivers, noticing that his clothes are gone spare his underwear. In the center of his chest is a hole with blacked edges that runs through to his back. He reaches up and touches his face, finding that remains of his usual hollow mask linger, permanently attached. The left side of his jaw is covered by the smooth surface. His arms and legs are connected to the wall of his cubby, giving him enough room to lay down or stand close to the wall.

The steel door that seals the room screeches open. “Ah you are awake, Kurosaki Ichigo.” Aizen strolls in the room confidently. “I hope you find your quarters agreeable?”

“Go to hell!” 

“How rude, you should know better not to say such things to such a gracious host.” Aizen states, feigning insult. “Now Kurosaki, I must ask you one more time: relinquish control of your body to your hollow, or face the consequences.”

“Fuck you!” 

“What a shame. I suppose I have no choice then.” Aizen sighs. He nods his head, signifying to Szayel to enter the room, pushing a stainless steel table of medical instruments. Aizen approaches Ichigo until they are inches away, he grabs the shackles and removes them from the wall. He yanks them viciously sending the teen flying to the middle of the room. There Aizen pulls the shackles through a ring on the floor, Ichigo is stuck on his knees with his arms pinned behind his back. Aizen circles around to come standing in front of the prone, orange haired boy; he softly grabs his face in his hand and trails his thumb down his jaw. “If you won't do as I say I will just have to use force!” He says with a soft whisper, before removing his hand and punching the boy in the face with intense force. The blow sends Ichigo sprawling on his side, his head painfully connects with the concrete floor. 

Ichigo blinks a few times and shakes his head. He manages to struggle back to his knees and spits blood on Aizen's face. “Go fuck yourself!” 

Aizen's expression contorts into rage, he draws back this leg and kicks Ichigo in the stomach, below the hole in his chest. Ichigo coughs harshly, blood splattering on the ground in front of him.

Aizen grabs a knife and begins to inspect it with admiration, a dangerous smile on his lips. “We are going to have some fun together, Kurosaki Ichigo.”


	8. Control

He's lost count of days. It's impossible to tell time in his dark cell. It feels like an eternity. He hasn't eaten since he was brought here, water is given to him sparsely. Souls usually don't need food, just water; Ichigo remembers Rukia explaining, unless they possess spiritual pressure, then they eat regularly like humans. Ichigo wonders how long he can go without eating, how long it's been without eating. His body has degraded, his muscles beginning to atrophy from disuse. He sits curled up in a ball in his cubby, head resting against the concrete.

The door squeaks open, Ichigo doesn't move. Hoping his torturer will go away, leave him alone.

Except when the door opens this time it's a face he wasn't expecting. A small woman with black hair wearing a black hakama is thrown roughly into his room. Rukia! 

She curses at the offender as they slam the door shut behind her. It takes a moment for her to pick herself off the ground, she appears to have her arms and legs bound too. When she finally gets upright she sees him. “Ichigo!” She says shocked but smiling, She hurried over to her friend. 

“Rukia!” Ichigo whispers. “What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you!” She says as she attempts to embrace him with her bound arms. “The soul society pronounced you dead because you had been missing for so long, but I didn't believe it.”

“How long has it been?”

“Two months”

Ichigo mulls on that piece of information, two months sitting in the dark, two months of hell. “You came here alone?”

“Not alone, Renji came with me but we got split up.” 

“You have to get out of here, it's too dangerous.” Ichigo hisses urgently.

“I know, I just need to figure out a way for us to escape.” Rukia mumbles as she looks around the room for any means to help them.

“No,” Ichigo shakes his head, “Get out of here, get away from me, I'm too dangerous.” Ichigo explains.

“That's not an option,” Rukia glares at her friend, “I didn't just fight my way through Hueco Mundo to save you just to have you tell me to get lost!”

Ichigo takes a step back and lowers his arms that previously hid his chest, exposing the hole running through his body.

“Ichigo,” Rukia whispers in shock.

“Aizen wanted me to join him, I refused so he did this. It makes my hollow more powerful.” Ichigo hides his face in his hands. “He's more powerful, and he knows once he gets control it would be hard for me to take it back. Every moment of everyday I fight him, if I relax for even a second he could strike.”

“Why?” 

“Aizen wanted my power, I wouldn't give it to him, so he made a deal with my hollow and gave him an advantage.”

“That doesn't change anything.” Rukia says firmly.

“Doesn't change anything? I could lose control at any time, I would be putting everyone in danger! I--”

“It doesn't matter!” Rukia shouts, “you just need to keep control until we can get you to Urahara then he can figure out a way to fix this.”

“Rukia I--”

“It's decided Ichigo, drop it.” She commands. He drops down and sits on his ‘bed’ and leans against the wall with a sigh. “How long has it been since you've slept?”

Ichigo rubs his eyes in exhaustion, “I'm not really sure, I only can sleep when my hollow does and that's not often, and even then I never know when Aizen's going to come in and…” he loses focus, mind suddenly wandered to an unpleasant place. His face scrunched up in distaste and he shakes his head as though trying to rid the thought. “It's been a while.”

Riki's places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Is your hollow awake right now?” 

“No, he's asleep.”

“Then get some rest, I'll keep watch.” She says softly.

Ichigo lays down and, for the first time since he got there, drifts off to sleep.

 

The ‘morning’ greets him with a loud crashing noise rousing him from his first good sleep in months. He bursts out of his cubby, onto his feet, and steels himself for whatever should come. Instead he sees Rukia hunched over a large figure. Renji. He's wounded, blood pours from a cut on his temple, and he cradles his right shoulder. 

“Renji!” Ichigo exclaims, shocked at seeing his friend.

“Ichigo. Good Rukia found you.” He says wearily.

“Idiot, why'd you have to go and get captured!” Rukia scolds while assessing his wounds.

“Nevermind that, we need to get out of here fast.” The tattooed man grunts, “now that they have us all in one place I doubt it'll be long before they make a move.”

Renji spoke too soon, not a minute after he was thrown in the cell Aizen opened the door, stepping inside the dark concrete room.

“Isn't this a lovely reunion.” He stated with a wide, unsettling grin. “At first when these two pests invaded to rescue you, Kurosaki, I was annoyed. Such an interruption from our work simply cannot be tolerated.” He smiles devilishly at Ichigo, who sneers back. “But then I realized that this situation was a blessing. I've spent the last two months trying to break you, and while I never discounted your strength it seems I did underestimate your resilience.” Aizen paces the room lazily, anxious eyes watch his every move. “And then I remembered back to the circumstances of our first meeting. You risked your life, your soul, for a women you only knew for mere months. Your weakness is your friends Kurosaki Ichigo.”

Every instinct in Ichigo's body scream for him to protect his friends, he manages to get in from of Rukia who stumbles clumsily due to the shackles encasing her limbs. He stands as tall as he can while still chained to his wall, hoping to block her from damage with his body. 

But Rukia wasn't Aizen's target. Instead he goes after a wounded Renji. Aizen roughly fists Renji’s long red hair and drags him up to his knees. “Let's test this theory of mine. If you promise me your loyalty and power right now, if you give control to your hollow, I promise no harm will come to your family or friends.” He trails his hand down Renji’s face sweetly, “however, if you fail to do as I say I will gather them all up and kill them one by one, right before your eyes.” He grabs Renji's jaw forcefully, in a bruising grasp. “What's it going to be?”

“Let him go!” 

“Do as I say and I will.”

“Ichigo,” Renji gasps weakly, “please!”

Ichigo bites back tears. “I can't.” He clenches his fists, turns his head away, unable to watch as his friend begs for mercy. “If I do it, it won't just be your life on the line Renji. It will be thousands.”

“Please Ichigo, please!”

But before Ichigo could respond there was a sickening crack. Renji fell to the ground, lifeless; his neck snapped.

Rukia screamed, promising threats and pain to Aizen, who just stood there smiling. Ichigo fell to his knees, speechless.

“I suppose you have a lot to think about, Kurosaki.” Aizen says smugly as he leaves the room.

 

“You let him die.” Rukia finally breaks the silence. It's been 6 hours since Renji was killed, and after the immediate shock they spent most of the time silent. Both of them holding each other, crying for a few hours, until they they broke apart. “You could've saved him but you let him die.”

Tears start flowing again, “Rukia I couldn't, if I did I'd be putting thousands of lives in danger.” Ichigo cries.

“He was my best friend. He's always been there for me, and now he's gone and I'll never see him again.” 

“Rukia I--”

“We were in love.” She says abruptly. “We hadn't told anyone yet but we were so in love, and even though there was all this crazy stuff going on with Aizen and the arrancar I had never been happier.”

“I'm sorry.” Ichigo whispers.

 

Aizen returns 12 hours after killing Renji. “Did you have a chance to consider my offer, Kurosaki Ichigo?”

“Go to hell.” He hisses, his jaw clenched.

“Oh? It appears my theory was wrong. That's never happened before.” Aizen hums, “or maybe I need to continue testing, because, as you must know, good science involves repetition.” He flash steps behind Ichigo and grabs Rukia. “Now Kurosaki you've risked everything to save her once, will you do it again?” Aizen pulls out a knife and holds it to her throat, blood begins to leak where the blade is pressed against pale skin.

“I can't trade on or two lives for thousands! I won't do it!” Ichigo screams desperately.”

“What a shame.” Aizen sighs. He drags the knife across Rukia’s throat, she tries to scream out, she tries to struggle but it's pointless. Her body drops, Aizen steps over it and leaves it on the floor. 

Ichigo immediately knees down by his friend, she's not dead yet, her life slowly seeping out of her throat. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” Ichigo sobs. He takes her hand in his, she holds on to him in desperation. He brushes her raven hair out of her face, her eyes are wide and full of pain. 

She manages to choke out two words, “Ichigo, why?”

His breath catches and he finds himself sobbing loudly. Blood spews from the cut, her eyes flutter in panic, and her grip on his hand starts to go weak. He sits there for what feels like hours. He stays there until she long dead, her body growing stiff, still holding her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey nerds, it's me the person responsible for this shit show. You know what's fun? Going to college while working full time. Im super crazy busy, I go to school mon-fri and then work 9am-11pm sat-sun, my next day off is November 10th and I want to cry. Anyway the point is I take like 12 years to update this thing, not because I'm abandoning it or forgot about it, but because I have no free time. Please be patient! Thx to all y'all awesome people who have left comments and kudos, it keeps me motivated and I love hearing feedback! I will try and update more frequently but no promises! 
> 
> Also! This chapter may be a train wreck because I wrote it on my phone at work lol, so sorry???
> 
> Okay, love ya  
> Bye ;*


	9. Reunion

Chapter 8  
Reunion

 

It went on like that for months. Every few weeks a familiar face would be thrown into Ichigo’s cell with him, some friend or ally from the Soul Society would be caught and executed in front of Ichigo. After a while he took to slamming his eyes shut and curling up in his corner, he couldn't handle seeing them and knowing that they were going to die because of him. His hollow would push harder when they were there, he knew that Ichigo was at his weakest in those moments, it took everything in his power to hold on. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had eaten or drank anything. The way he was chained to the wall left him no room to use his muscles, which had atrophied. His once bulky, muscular frame became weak and lythe. His ribs and hip bones stuck out clearly, his stomach concave. Short orange hair became long and matted, now a dusty brown color from lack of washing. Messy stubble formed on his once clean shaven chin where the hollow mask didn’t cover his jaw. 

Kurosaki Ichigo no longer resembled the strong man he once was. He was just a shadow of his former self, alone in the dark.

He was curled up in his cubby, where he spent most of his time, when his door opened. The bright light pours in the dim room, blinding Ichigo. He curls in on himself and closes his eyes, he doesn’t want to see who it is, he doesn’t want to see Aizen’s cruel grin as he brings another ally to their death. 

“Kurosaki?” He knows that voice, but he doesn’t dare look up. That voice shouldn’t be here, not in this place. That voice can’t be real in this place. He decides his mind is playing tricks on him. The last time he heard that voice was the day this all happened. He remembers how desperately he longed to hear that voice all this time. Through all the torture and pain he pleaded for that voice, that man to come save him like he always seemed to.

“Kurosaki!” 

It calls again. Ichigo can’t help it anymore he has to try, he has to look.

He lifts his head slowly and opens his eyes. Standing before him is Ishida, his bright blue bow in his hand, wearing his traditional Quincy uniform. For the first time in a year their eyes meet, for the first time in a year Ichigo feels hope.

“I-Ishida?” His own voice sounds foreign after going so long without speaking, his throat rough from disuse. 

The Quincy glides into his dim room, his bow illuminating the dark. Ishida was like that though, bright and so full of light that he lit up the world around him. Or at least Kurosaki thought so, most people who have met Ishida would disagree but those people didn’t truly know him. Ishida crouches down in front of Ichigo, concern laced in his facial features.

“Kurosaki,” he quietly gasps as he sees the hole in the middle of Ichigo’s chest, a hollow hole. The right half of Ichigo’s jaw still covered in the hollow mask. “What have they done to you?” Ishida stands backup, he gathers reishi in his palm and strikes it down on the shackle on Ichigo’s right wrist, shattering the metal. He repeats the process until Ichigo’s arms and legs are free from their bonds. The skin is rubbed raw and bloody where the shackles were, ugly dark scabbing covering the areas. Ichigo slowly stretches, marveling in the ability to move his arms past their previous limits. “Kurosaki…” Ishida says again, getting Ichigo’s attention.

Ichigo realizes that he hasn’t really spoken or responded to Ishida. He looks at the other boy, “Ishida.” His voice is hoarse and doesn’t sound like his own. “How are you here?”

“Don’t worry about that now, we need to get you out of here.” Ishida says as he helps Ichigo stand, he has Ichigo put an arm around him and holds him up. They exit the room, cautiously making their way down hallways to avoid being spotted. Ichigo starts to lose energy early on and soon Ishida is holding up his entire weight. “Come on, Kurosaki, we’re almost there.” He encourages.

The other teen grunts back, seemingly exhausted by the excursion from his norm. They come to a large, empty room with granite floors and marble pillars.

“Ishida?” Ichigo finally speaks again.

“Hm?” 

“That day, you were trying to tell me something, before everything happened. What was it?” 

Ishida keeps walking, “I don’t think now is the best time, Kurosaki.” He scolds, “we’ll have plenty of time to talk once we get out of here—“

Ishida is cut off by the appearance of an intense spiritual pressure, “and where do you think you are going, Kurosaki Ichigo?” Aizen emerges from the front of the room, blocking the exit. “Oh and it seems you have a friend visiting, I had not yet planned to start bringing in your friends from the living world but no matter, how can I waste this opportunity.”

Ishida releases his grip on Ichigo, forcing the teen to stand on his own, “run,” he says quietly, “get out of here I’ll hold him off.” He summons his bow, blue materializing in his hands. 

Ichigo struggles to stand on his own, his legs buckling underneath him. “I can’t leave you, Ishida—“

“Run now, Kurosaki!” Ishida commands loudly.

Aizen begins to approach, walking leisurely towards the young men. Ishida shoves Ichigo in an attempt to get him to start walking. “Ishida I can’t leave you, not when I just got you back.”

“You must Kurosaki.”

“Ishida, I-I… this whole time I’ve been here I’ve been waiting for you to come, I knew you would co-“

“We don’t have time for this Kurosaki!”

Aizen begins to walk faster, Ishida nocks an arrow and focuses. “I’ll be fine Kurosaki, go, I’ll meet up with you soon.” 

Ichigo takes a few hesitant steps away from Ishida, trying to get a feel for walking on his own. Ishida fires at Aizen, arrows flying so rapidly Ichigo can’t even see Ishida draw his bow. Ishida hirenkyakus out of Aizen’s range when he gets too close, never relenting his onslaught of blue arrows. However Aizen seems unfazed by the attack, merely walking forward as if nothing was happening. 

Ichigo is almost at the exit when he hears a cry. He spins around and sees Aizen grasping Ishida’s throat roughly “Ishida!” Ichigo turns around and begins to make his way back to his friend as fast as his broken body will allow him.

“Kurosaki Ichigo” Aizen drawls, “you know what happens next. Surrender your body to the hollow, surrender to me and your friend will live. Resist and I will kill him.” Aizen lifts Ishida off the ground by his throat, his legs kicking trying to free himself. “Hurry up Kurosaki, you don’t have much time to decide, what’s it going to be?”

Ichigo continues to approach, he clasps his fists so hard his nails cut into his palms, blood rolls down his fingers. He feels like screaming. This can’t be happening, not to Ishida, not to the person he—

Aizen suddenly draws his free arm back and impales Ishida through his chest. “You took too long to decide,” Aizen roughly throws Ishida to the ground. “I was getting bored, you know how much I hate waiting.”

Ichigo hurried over to where Ishida lies, his eyes faded, blood seeping out of the wound and his mouth. He’s not breathing. “Ishida!” Ichigo screams as he crouched down next to the body, “Ishida come on! You’re not going to be beaten by a stupid soul Reaper, right?” Ichigo shakes his body, there is no response. “Ishida please!” Tears are streaking down his face, he feels the hollow inside of him rally against his soul even harder. Inside of him blades clash with ferocity. The hollow cackles as Ichigo’s soul starts to waver.

Ichigo gathers the lifeless Ishida in his arms and holds him to his chest rocking gently.

“Oh my,” Aizen chuckles, “it appears you were quite attached to him.” 

Ichigo can’t hear anything but his heart beating loudly, blood pumping in his ears. He moves the hair out of Ishida’s face, spilled ink on porcelain skin. Ishida’s lifeless eyes are open wide in shock, his face contorted in pain.

Ichigo feels it ramping up inside of him, he screams. A desperate cry full of agony and rage, a cry of despair. He feels it ramping up inside of him. The last cry Kurosaki Ichigo will make.

He loses control.

The hollow strikes a hard blow against his souls as Ichigo mourns, the momentary lapse was all he needed. White substance pours out of Ichigo’s mouth and the hole in his chest and begin forming a mask. Hands and feet become clawed. Chocolate eyes turn yellow and black. ‘Shiro’ emerges, victorious.

“Ah at last we meet again,” Aizen sighs, “he put up a fight longer than I expected.” Aizen waves his hand and the lifeless Ishida on the ground blows away like dust.

“It was an illusion?” The hollow asks curiously.

“Yes, they all were.” Aizen states. “It would be too troublesome to capture all of those Soul reapers, and if I did take that many people the soul society would definitely try to put a stop to it.”

“So none of it was real, this whole time you were just playin’ with his head.” 

“I suppose yes, it was all a means to an end, and it worked.” Aizen spins on his heel and walks towards the exit. “Come, we’ve wasted too much time waiting for Kurosaki Ichigo to lose control, our enemy is upon us”

“What do you mean? The soul society is attacking?” The hollow follows after Aizen as best he can, adjusting to using the frail body. 

“Not so much as they are taking a stand on the battlefield and it would be rather rude to keep them waiting any longer. Is the state of his body going to be a problem for you?” Aizen says giving the hollow a once over.

“Nah, I just gotta get adjusted to it. Personally I think the whole broken down and beaten look will work to my advantage when we face his friends and allies. I have no problem pushing this body way past it’s limits, besides I have instant regeneration.”

“Very well then.” Aizen nods, “prepare yourself” Aizen hands the hollow Zangetsu and opens the gargantua.

 

-

 

Ishida was packing his bag, rations, first aid kit, other medical supplies, and Quincy weapons, when his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Ishida-Kun!” Inoue chimed from the other line.

“Inoue-San.” 

“Ishida-kun, Urahara-San has requested we all meet at his shop, he’s says it’s urgent!”

Ishida hadn’t seen the soul reaper since he refused to provide passage to Hueco Mundo. He mulled over this information.

“Please, Ishida-kun. Now that Kurosaki-kun is gone… it makes me feel better to have you there.” She says softly.

“Alright, I’ll be there.” He sighs putting down his bag. I’ll leave when I get back, he thought. He hung up the phone, Inoue still taking on the other side. 

A short walk later and he was at Urahara’s shop. He opened the door and walked into the sitting room without being invited. He leans against the wall in the corner, a position to hear the oncoming conversation but not be a part of it. Ishida doesn’t even know why Inoue invited him, or why she and Sado still hang around him at school; or why Rukia and Renji always stop by his apartment for tea when they are in the area. These people were Ichigo’s friends, Ishida always assumed they hung out with him because Ichigo was there too. Without Ichigo Ishida feels out of place, unwelcome. Ichigo always went out of his way to make Ishida feel welcome, even after their first encounter, their first fight, Ichigo would always come trailing after Ishida, dragging him off to eat lunch with friends or inviting him to do group activities. Without Ichigo Ishida isn’t a part of the group.

Sado and Inoue arrive next, hands looped together. Sado nods at Ishida in greeting as he takes a seat at the table.

“Ishida-Kun!” Inoue approach’s Ishida.

“Inoue-San.”

“How are you, I didn’t see you at school this morning, are you okay?” 

“I am fine, I was just overtired.” He lies.

“Good! I’m glad you’re fine.” She takes a seat next to Sado. 

Urahara enters with a pot of tea and teacups. “Thank you, everyone, for coming on such short notice.” He says as he sets down the tea tray on the table. He begins pouring cups as he speaks. “I have just received word that the soul society is ready to make a stand against Aizen Sosuke. Tomorrow morning at dawn they will put their plan in place. Using kido the soul society will put all the civilians of Karakura to sleep, they will then transfer the real Karakura town to the soul society, switching it for a decoy. The decoy in the world of the living is where they will make their stand.” Urahara pauses to sip his cup of tea. 

“The soul society requested that we not interfere in this matter, which means of course that we should definitely assist them tomorrow.” He smirks. “They don’t know it yet, or are just too prideful to admit, but they’re going to need all the help they can get.” Urahara states, “the arrancar are strong, most are at least at lieutenant level in strength, but some are stronger than captain level. Not to mention Tosen, Gin, and Aizen. This is going to be a hard fight, we’ll need all the help we can get.”

“You can count on us!” Inoue says determinedly. Sado nods in agreement. 

Eyes turn to Ishida, the strongest of the the three. He stands in the corner, silently absorbing all the information. 

“Ishida-kun?” Inoue whispers.

He sighs, “I suppose this would be a good opportunity to get payback for what Aizen has done.”

Inoue sequels, jumps up from where she was sitting and embraces him. “Thank you, Ishida-Kun!”

He blushes and freezes up, “n-no problem, Inoue-San.” He mumbles.

Ishida does not leave for Hueco Mundo that night. Instead he finds himself waking before dawn, pulling on his battle costume, and meeting at Urahara’s shop. They gather outside and watch the sun come up. As the sun rises Karakura town sleeps, and the switch is made. All the human souls safely tucked away in the soul society. The gotei thirteen lieutenants and captains appear in the sky, waiting. Urahara, Yoruichi, Inoue, Sado, and Ishida stand below them on the ground. Hours go by, until the sun is high in the sky. The gargantua opens, everyone grasps their weapons, ready to fight. However they weren’t expecting what comes out of the tear in the sky.

He’s all skin and bones, a shadow of his past strength, his orange hair is a long and filthy mane. There’s a hole in his chest. Eyes glow yellow and black, a mask covers his face. Kurosaki Ichigo stumbles out of the gargantua.

Ishida exhales sharply, he was right. This whole time, he tried to tell them but they wouldn’t listen, he was right. 

Next to him Inoue chokes on a sob, “K-Kurosaki-kun? He’s- he’s alive!”

Ikkaku of the 11th division approaches carefully, Hozukimaru already in shikai. “Hey, Kurosaki, that you?” He calls loudly to the teen. 

Kurosaki’s attention snaps to Ikkaku. Yumichika, follows behind Ikkaku at a distance, warning the other to be cautious. 

It happens in an instant. One moment Kurosaki is standing there where the gargantua opened, then next Ikkaku is falling to the ground, Yumichika calls out to him in panic. Kurosaki grips his sword, blood rolls off the tip.

Inoue gasps and clamps her hand to her mouth. “Santeria Kesshun” she whispers, her shield deploys to catch the falling soul reaper.

Kurosaki looks around, examining the soul reapers. He goes for Yumichika next. The 5th seat manages to dodge the first attack but isn’t fast enough to dodge a second. Kurosaki slashes through Yumichika’s right shoulder, as he pulls the blade out he kicks Yumichika to the ground, where he makes impact with deadly force.

Inoue hurries to the crater where Chad extracts the wounded soul reaper, they lay him by Ikkaku. “Soten Kisshun” Inoue chants, her healing barrier flashes to life surrounding the two wounded men.

Kenpachi steps out, “time for that rematch, Kurosaki!” He calls happily.

He unsheathes his sword and runs into the fray. For a moment it looks like an even fight, until Kurosaki speaks. Their blades clash, a battle of brute force being won by Kenpachi. “Getsuga Tensho!” The hollow calls, voice warped and not of that body. A wave of black spiritual pressure erupts from his blade, Kenpachi barely dodges the blow. The two break apart and within a second clashing again, this time SuiFeng joins the fight.

“Back off,” Kenpachi shouts, “this fight is all mine!”

“Quiet,” She snaps back. “We do not have time to draw this out.”

Kenpachi works to counter Kurosaki’s blows while SuiFeng sneaks in attacks. Their success is short lived. The hollow screeches and releases a powerful cero blowing them back. Kenpachi isn’t fast enough to dodge this time, instead he has no choice but to try to block the attack with his zanpakuto. He’s left hunched over, blood seeping out from his arm and temple. SuiFeng retreats back to the safety of the other captains. She looks to the Head captain for instructions. 

Before he can issue orders a new player enters the game. Ishida appears between Kurosaki and the gotei 13. “Kurosaki!” He calls, summoning his bow. “I know you can hear me!”

The hollow begins to charge, Ishida uses hirenkyaku to keep distance between them. Ishida draws his bow, an arrow materializes. “Are you just going to give up that easily Kurosaki? Are you just going to let this hollow hurt your friends?!”

-

Inside his mindscape Ichigo hears him call out. Ishida. He listens again. Ishida's voice calling out to his soul. He’s not dead. Ichigo grabs Zangetsu, stands up to fight again, his resolve reaffirmed.

-

Ishida won’t let the hollow get close, he knows that’s not Kurosaki, he knows what this hollow is capable of. He dances around in the sky, moving in a random pattern, firing volley after volley of arrows. The seem to have effect other than to annoy the hollow, he’s not concentrating enough to make the arrows do serious damage. The gotei 13 and people on the ground watch anxiously as the lone Quincy takes on the shell of the man they once knew.

“I knew you were there, they told me you were dead but I knew it wasn't true.” Ishida shouts as he flights. “Ever since the day they took you I’ve felt guilty, it was my fault. I wasn’t strong enough and they took you away. They took you away from me, Kurosaki” Ishida's voice catches

-

Inside Ichigo rallies against the hollow, Shiro. Ishida’s words giving him strength. He throws the hollow to the ground, only to have them spring back up again. Blades clash violently, Ichigo screams in frustration. Shiro is forced against the wall, Ichigo’s blade contesting his. Both souls fighting desperately for dominance. Ichigo kicks out at Shiro, the blow connecting with his femur. The hollow barks in pain, Ichigo takes that chance to overpower their struggle, pushing the edge of his blade into Shiro’s chest.

-

Kurosaki’s eyes waver, flickering from black and yellow to chocolate brown for just a moment before returning. It’s working, he can hear me, Ishida thinks, just a little longer. “That day they took you, you asked me why I had been avoiding you.”

Kurosaki gets close and Ishida has to block the attack with his bow before jumping away. As fast as Ishida is Kurosaki is faster. The hollow screams in frustration as it continues to play this dangerous game of tag. 

“I was about to tell you when they arrived.” Ishida calls. He doesn’t see it coming. The hollow appears in front of him too quickly for him to counter. His bow is knocked away, dematerialized. The hollow lunges forward, thrusting Zangetsu towards Ishida. 

-

Ichigo pushes the blade with all his might. The edge drawing blood from the hollow’s chest, Shiro desperately fighting against the blade. “You will never hurt my friends again!” Ichigo surges forward, defeating the hollow

-

Kurosaki’s hands and feet go back to normal, his hair returns to as it was before, still long and matted but not the mane it is when he is a hollow. His eyes return to the soft oaken orbs that Ishida has always known. Ichigo takes back control of his body. When he looks through his own eyes again he sees Ishida hunched over, Tensa Zangetsu jetting out of his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I work doubles at my job, I work at a group home, and today there’s only one client so I’m the only staff in house. I’m basically alone, trapped at work with nothing to do for 14 hours. So I thought, hey update your fic for once ya lazy bitch. So ya, here you go! Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger, hopefully it doesn’t take me another month to updat! Idk I might just write it now cuz I got 5 hours to gooooo on my shift lol pls kill me! 
> 
> Alright love y’all!  
>  Ps leave me comments :*


	10. Among the Living

Chapter 10  
Among the Living

Ishida’s balance wavers until he’s falling forward, zangetsu slides out of Ishida’s chest with a sickening squelch, clanking to the ground several hundred feet below. Ichigo is quick to catch the Quincy before he plummets to the ground like his sword.

Ishida’s face collides with Ichigo’s chest above his hollow hole. Ichigo wraps his arms around Ishida’s waist and back, holding him up as they slowly descend to the ground. “Kurosaki…” Ishida whispers as the make eye contact, his expression trying to mask the pain his injury is causing.

“Ishida.” They land on the ground gently, Ichigo keeping Ishida upright and on his feet. “What were you going to tell me,” he asks softly, barely a whisper, “that day…”

Ishida stares into Ichigo’s eyes, warm and safe, such a contrast from the aggressive yellow they had been just moments ago. Ishida feels Ichigo’s hands on his back, on his waist, wrapped around him, safe. He’s warm, like the summer. “Kurosaki, I—“

“Kurosaki-San! Welcome back!” Urahara approaches hurriedly. Ichigo now notices he’s surrounded by members of the gotei 13, weapons drawn. Urahara points his cane at Ichigo, demeanor suddenly serious, a deadly smile plastered on his face. “Now Kurosaki-San, Please back away from Ishida-San.”

“It’s fine, Urahara-San, it’s Kurosaki, not his hollow.” Ishida states coolly, internally wishing to be left alone in the arms of the man he’s missed so much.

“Nonetheless, Ishida-San, we don’t know how long it’ll remain that way.” Urahara counters. “Especially with that.” He says gesturing to the hole in Ichigo’s chest.

“He’s right,” Ichigo says as he removes his hands from Ishida, slowly backing away from the Quincy, who drops to his knees without the support. “Aizen He…” Ichigo points to the hollow hole, “he did this to make it easier for my hollow to take control.”

“I am going to place a barrier around you, Kurosaki-San. One that cannot be opened from the inside.” Urahara states as he steps forward and helps Ishida back to his feet.

“Okay.”

As Urahara places the barrier Inoue runs up. At first she wants to go speak to Ichigo but chooses to wait and give Ishida first aid instead, erecting her healing barrier around him. As she heals her wounded friend her gaze wanders to Ichigo, a shadow of the man she was once infatuated with. She struggles to keep tears out of her eyes.

  
“Ishida-kun, are you okay?” She asks timidly, avoiding eye contact with the Quincy.

“Yes, Inoue-San, nothing I cannot handle.” He keeps his eyes glued to Ichigo, who stares back.

“Kurosaki-San.” Urahara gets Ichigo's attention.

“How many people?” Ichigo says abruptly.

“Wha-?”

“How many people did I hurt, who else?” Ichigo asks in a whisper.

Urahara sigh, “only three others, luckily Ishida intervened when he did otherwise it might have been many more.”

“Who?”

“Ironically all squad 11 members, Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Kenpachi- who eagerly rushed to fight with you so that one doesn’t count.” Urahara chuckles lightly.

Ichigo grasps at his hair roughly. “I could’ve killed them a second time.” He whispers, turning in on himself. “Not again.”

“Kurosaki-San, it’s alright. They’re all fine, Inoue-San already began healing them, she said they should make a full recovery.” Urahara has an urge to reach out and comfort the teen but the barrier does not permit it.

Several meters away Ishida watches with growing concern. He struggles to his feet, ignoring Inoue’s protests. His legs feel like lead, and standing makes his head pound, however he slowly makes his way over to the barrier containing Ichigo. He collapses to his knees, breathing heavily. He presses his hand against the barrier, it radiates heat against his palm, like a warm mug of tea. “Kurosaki.” He says, getting the other’s attention in between breaths. “Everyone is okay, nobody was killed. They’re fine, I’m fine.” Ishida says resolutely. “It’s not your fault, it wasn’t you.”

Ichigo eyes Ishida timidly and reluctantly nods.

  
The wounded are taken back to the soul society or to Urahara’s shop. The army remains in the sky for several more hours until retreating, determining that their enemy wouldn’t show that day. A small force remains on duty in the world of the living, ready to defend at a moments notice.

Ichigo is moved cautiously. Urahara is forced to lift his barrier, casting Bakudō 61 Rikujōkōrō- the same kido Aizen cast when Ichigo was taken- on the teen to restrain him. He decides the transport would be easier if he was unconscious, before either Ishida or Ichigo could protest Urahara places his index finger on the Soul reaper’s forehead, causing him to fall asleep instantly.

  
Ichigo wakes up in a panic. How could he have let himself fall asleep? How long has he been out? Why hadn’t his hollow taken over yet? When he stops to look around him he remembers the events that lead him here. His hollow _had_ taken over, he had attacked his friends. He almost killed them again. Ichigo notices his hollows absence, after an eternity of internal fighting the silence is deafening but a much needed relief. Ichigo moves to sit up but finds that he cannot. Panic ensues. There are no straps holding him down, his ankles and wrists are covered in bandages- he assumes to repair the damage from being cuffed for so long- but no restraints hold him there. He struggles against the invisible force until he hears the door open and footsteps approach.

Ishida has changed out of his battle costume and carried a tray of bandages and antiseptic. He walks into Ichigo’s line of sight and then notices his eyes are open.  
  
“Kurosaki…” he breathes quietly.

Ichigo doesn’t respond, instead he keeps a scrutinizing gaze locked on the quincy.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake.” Ishida states as he sets the tray down gently, carefully kneeling down next to where the orange haired teen lay. “I need to change out your bandages on your wrists and ankles. Inoue did all she could to repair them but the tissue damage went so deep that we’ll have to keep treating them.” Ishida explains as he begins to work. His movements are slow and non-threatening, he explains what he’s going to do before he does it and makes sure his hands are always in Ichigo’s view.

As Ishida finishes wrapping the last wrist in gauze Ichigo snatches his forearm swiftly in a crushing grip. Ishida remains calm and doesn’t struggle. “Kurosaki.” He says, voice low in warning.

“Ishida, how do I know it’s you. How do I know you’re real this time” Ichigo’s chocolate eyes lock into Ishida’s, afraid and searching.

“Kurosaki, I’m real.” Ishida states as he pries Ichigo’s fingers off of his wrist slowly. “Remember the time we first met, really met. I was angry at you for simply existing, for being a soul reaper, I thought all soul reapers would be like the ones responsible for my grandfathers death. I was wrong.” Ishida keeps Ichigo’s hand enclosed in his, “You were nothing like those men, you would never harm someone unless provoked, unless it was out of your control.”

Ichigo’s eyes glisten, he turns his head away from Ishida, tears began streaming down his face. “I’m in the world of the living?” He asks in disbelief, so quietly Ishida could hardly hear him.

“Yes.” Ishida draws small circles on the back of Ichigo’s hand with his thumb to comfort him as he cries quietly.

“Why can’t I sit up?”

“It’s a barrier to suppress your hollow, Urahara said it crushes your inner world with reiatsu so that any internal forces are immobilized, the downside is you are also immobilized. You’ll need to remain this way until you are in good enough condition to be transferred to your human body.”

“You have my body?”

“No, we haven’t located it.” Ishida explains. “When you were taken you were in human form, Aizen must have taken you out of your body in Hueco Mundo, so it’s probably still there. Urahara theorizes that Aizen used your body to create a near perfect replica, which he left for the soul society to find so that you would be pronounced dead.”

“I was pronounced dead?” He asks, turning back to Ishida his eyes wide and panicked.

“Yes. By both the soul society and Urahara, the replica convinced most everyone. Until your real body is retrieved you’ll be using a gigai.”

“‘Most everyone’,” Ichigo repeats quietly, “most everyone thought I was dead…” he’s quiet for a moment before something dawned on him. “My family do they…?”

“Just your father.” Ishida states, “he thought it best to not tell your sisters until they were older, so Kon has been taking your place at home and at school in a gigai made by Urahara.”

“Oh…”

Ishida looks away, down to the floor. “I’m sorry.” He whispers.

“Ishida wha-“

“It’s my fault.” He states firmly. “It’s my fault you were taken, I wasn’t able to protect you and because of that all of this happened.”

“Ishida there was no way you could’ve taken on all of them-“

“Even then I should have come for you!” Ishida shouts.

Ichigo remains quiet.

“I knew you were alive.”

“How-? You said it was a perfect replica.”

“I said it was near perfect.” Ishida states, meeting Ichigo’s eyes again. “It was convincing enough to fool anyone who wouldn’t know where to look.” Ishida sighs, “I was planning to come get you but I was too late, finding a way into Hueco Mundo took too long. I failed you, again.” He hangs his head in shame, unable to look at the man he failed.

Ichigo squeezes Ishida’s hand softly. “Do you remember that night by the river? I told you how my mom died and that I felt responsible for her death.” Ichigo laces his fingers together with Ishida’s, holding his hand firmly. “Do you remember what you told me that night?”

Ishida remains quiet, head still hung staring at the ground.

“You told me ‘it’s okay to feel guilty, but it’s not your fault.’”

Ishida looks up bashfully, his eyes glistening with tears. Their eyes lock.

Ichigo speaks softly but firmly. “I thought they killed you that day. The last thing I saw was Grimmjow towering over you.” His eyes dart quickly to Ishida’s mouth and then back to his eyes. “I would dream about you when I could actually sleep. Most of them were nightmares, but every once in a while I would dream of waking up in the world of the living and everything had been fine, you were always there.”

Ishida finds himself leaning over Ichigo, unable to look away.

“When I finally lost control it was because I thought I’d killed you. Aizen’s hypnosis, he created the illusion you had come to save me, during our escape he killed ‘you’, and I finally lost control.” Ichigo brings Ishida’s hand up to his face slowly, pressing it against the part of his jaw without the mask remnants.

“Kurosaki…”

“Ishida… what were you going to tell me that day?”

“I think you already know it, Kurosaki.” Ishida replies, a blush covering his cheeks. Ishida has his hands on either side of Ichigo’s shoulders, one of his hands still clasped in Ichigo’s pinning his arm.

“I want to hear you say it.” Ichigo demands.

Ishida inhales sharply and leans closer, they’re lips inches apart. Both of them waiting for the other to make their move.

The door slides open with a snap. “Ishida-San! How’s Re-bandaging going? You’ve been in here for a long time!” Urahara calls as he enters the room.

Ishida jolts up, getting as far away from the injured soul reaper as he can. They both look away from each other, faces red.

“Yes, Kurosaki woke up and I was explaining things to him.” He explains awkwardly.

“Kurosaki-San, how are you feeling?” Urahara asks as he strides across the room.

“How long have I been out?”

“A week. That’s mostly because we thought it best to keep you asleep so you would heal better, otherwise you would have woken much sooner.”

Ichigo nods in understanding. “How long will I have to remain in the barrier?”

“The majority of the day. However, now that you’re awake I would recommend getting cleaned up.” Urahara states. “Ishida, can you help him with the bath, he may have trouble walking until he rebuilds muscle mass.”

Ishida tried to hide his blush. “Of course.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up 4 months late with starbucks* what’s up y’all?  
> Not any specific excuse for why I’m updating so late, just life been happening - ya know what I mean?  
> Actually I’ve hit kinda a rough patch so that’s a good time. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this painful chapter alternatively called ‘Urahara ruins everything’  
> Hopefully I’ll update the next chapter soon but idk that’s what I said last time!


	11. Water that breaks, water that heals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for anxiety attacks, PTSD, and graphic description of torture.

Chapter 11

  
  


After releasing the barrier Urahara leaves them alone. Ishida crouches down pulls Ichigo’s arm around his shoulders and heaving him up. Ichigo’s white robe hangs loosely from his slight frame. The thin teen takes a moment after standing up to catch his breath. “Are you okay, Kurosaki?” 

 

“Yeah I’m just not used to moving around much.” 

 

They slowly make their way down the hallway to the bath. The room is about the size of a bedroom, with wooden plank walls and floors, inside is a large wooden basin, big enough to fit at least two people. Ishida and Ichigo look at each other awkwardly, knowing what comes next. Ichigo shrugs off the robe and stands there in his underwear. It was the first time Ishida has gotten a good look at him. His body is covered in raised scars, burn marks and a few patches of mesh that have been grafted to his body. In the center of his chest is a black hollow hole. His stomach is concave and his ribs all too visible. Ichigo’s once muscular frame had been reduced to skin and bones. His formerly bright orange hair is long, brown and matted. Half of his jaw is covered in his hollow mask, seemingly fused on.

 

“I’ll leave these on.” Ichigo states.

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Ishida begins to draw the bath, as they wait Ichigo sits on the steps while Ishida gathers the necessary items. “We’ll have to cut some of those mats out of your hair,” he says producing a pair of sharp sewing scissors. “I thought we would need these, so I brought them from home.”

 

Once the bath is full Ishida helps Ichigo up the steps. The soul reaper steps into the bath cautiously but slips anyway, pulling the fully clothed quincy in with him. Water crashes over the edge of the tub, splashing on the floor. Ishida surfaces quickly, “Kurosaki, are you all-“ Ishida looks and finds Ichigo still under the water. “Kurosaki!” He shouts and drags the teen to the surface. Ichigo’s eyes are glazed over and unfocused, his breaths coming out in sporadic rasps, his body shakes violently creating ripples in the warm water. “Kurosaki,” Ishida says more gently. Ichigo doesn’t respond, he clasps his hands around his wrists and begins clawing at the bandages, blood starts to slowly seep through the white cloth. Ishida takes Ichigo’s hands in his and holds them firmly. After his mother and grandfather passed away Ishida spent his time in his father’s study, reading various books from the shelves.  _ Sporadic breathing, tremors, dissasociation,  _ he mentally catalogued the visual symptoms, trying to place them in the context of information learned years ago . “Kurosaki…  _ Ichigo _ , you’re having a panic attack.” He states in an even tone. “I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that for me?” 

 

Ishida breathes deeply for a few minutes until Ichigo follows his example. His eyes become more focused as he slowly comes out of it. They sit in silence until Ichigo breaks it. “I wasn’t expecting that.” He sighs as he takes a hand back from Ishida and covers his face. “He was trying to break me, that included torture.” Ichigo screws his eyes shut. 

 

“He waterboarded you.” Ishida states, not a question.

  
  


_ “It would be so much easier if you just compiled, Kurosaki Ichigo.” Aizen drawls lazily as he hovers above him, inches away from the young man’s face. _

 

_ The steel table is cold and stiff under Ichigo’s back, his arms are held out, firmly contained by thick leather straps. His legs are bound together in a similar manner. The table is tilted, his head at a downward incline. He says nothing, glaring daggers at his captor.  _

 

_ “I will get my way eventually, why not just give in now and save yourself the pain?” _

 

_ Inside his chest, Ichigo’s heart pounds. He’s afraid, he knows what this is, what’s about to happen. He’s afraid, but can’t show it. He swallows thickly, suppressing his fear, pushing down the all too powerful urge to just give in, and steeling himself for what’s coming.  _

 

_ “What a shame,” Aizen sighs, covering Ichigo’s face with a thin cloth.  _

  
  


“When the water hit my face I was back there again, in that room- strapped down.” His breath starts to become erratic. 

  
  


_ Water flowed slowly and steadily up his nose. Ichigo holds his breath for as long as possible before he is forced to exhale. Then inhale. With that breathe the thin cloth is pulled tightly against his nostrils, suffocating him. Water invades his sinuses and lungs. His body panics, fights. He feels like he’s drowning, burning in pain as the room goes black. The captive slowly loses consciousness.  _

  
  


“Kurosaki.” Ishida gets his attention, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Let’s start getting you cleaned up.” 

 

“Okay.” He says quietly.

 

Ishida steps out of the tub and strips off his now soaked button down T-shirt, shoes, socks and jeans throwing them onto the floor with a  _ slap;  _ leaving his boxer briefs on. He climbs back up the steps and stands behind Ichigo, scissors in hand. “It might be easier if we cut out the mats before washing it.” He states. 

 

“Yeah, Okay.”

 

Ishida begins cutting out clumps of tangled hair and dirt. “You didn’t bathe the whole time you were there?” 

 

“No, not really.” Ichigo sighs as Ishida starts to massage soap into his now short locks, leaning into the touch. “He threw boiling water on me once, he said it was to clean me up but I doubt that was the real reason.” 

 

“Are you okay talking about this with me, Kurosaki? You don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable with it.”

 

“No, I don’t mind.” He shrugs, “sure it’s hard to talk about, every time I think about it I feel like I’m being sucked back there in my memories; but it’s also nice, to be able to talk to someone so openly. I was alone for so long, any conversations over the last year were a result of hypnosis. It’s nice to talk to someone real.”

 

Ishida gently guide Ichigo down so his hair is submerged in the water to rinse out the soap and dirt. “We’ll have to wash it a few times,” Ishida mumbles, working more soap in the soul reaper’s hair. 

 

They repeat the process two more times before Ishida hands Ichigo body wash and a rag. “Can you handle this?” Ishida asks, there’s no judgement in his voice, only care.

 

“Yeah, I think I can manage.” Ichigo washes his body thoroughly, before standing up and exiting the tub with Ishida’s help. Ishida wraps a towel around his shoulders while supporting his weight, one arm around his waist, another resting on his back. 

 

Ichigo dries his hair off, before letting the towel hang from his shoulders. He suddenly notices the hands on his body, he was always aware of them holding him up but now he notices their warmth, how he can feel Ishida’s pulse through his palms. He looks over at Ishida who’s averting his gaze. “Ishida.” He says quietly, getting the Quincy’s attention. Ishida’s focus snaps to Ichigo.

 

The soul reaper stares at Ishida with soft, inviting eyes. “Kurosaki…?” 

 

“I tried not to think about you when I was there.” Ichigo exhales, his breath warm on Ishida’s lips. “I thought I’d killed you, twice.” Sharp cobalt eyes meet warm chocolate, Ichigo’s eyes glisten with tears. “I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, Ishida.” He brings his hand up and gently strokes Ishida’s jaw. Ichigo grabs the back of Ishida’s neck and presses his forehead to the Quincy’s.

 

Ishida freezes in shock before melting into the touch, exhaling softly and closing his eyes. “I was avoiding you, before,” he whispers, “because I realized how I felt for you.” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ichigo asks gently. Wrapping his arms around Ishida’s waist, pulling them together. 

 

”Because you wouldn’t feel the same way.” Ishida mumbles shyly, turning his head away.

 

The Soul Reaper catches his chin between bony fingers, gently forcing Ishida’s attention back on him. He stares Ishida down. There’s a hint of hurt in his eyes, like Ishida has wounded him with his assumption. However the gaze mainly conveys fear and excitement. Ichigo leans in, mere millimeters away from Ishida’s lips before pausing. Allowing a moment for Ishida to escape if he changes his mind. Neither of them look away, challenging each other to make the move and close that final distance. Patience runs out, Ichigo tangles his hand into ink black locks and closes his eyes. 

 

Ishida leans into the touch, holding the young man pressed tightly against him. The kiss is soft, gentle, and full of the longing experienced over the troubling last year. 

 

Ichigo breaks apart first, his face covered in a blossoming blush. “Don’t assume what my feelings were for you, Ishida.” He delicately brushes loose hair out of the Quincy’s face. “I had realized a long time before I was taken that my feelings towards you weren’t that of a normal friend.” 

 

“Ichigo…” Ishida breathes, before leaning into Ichigo again, this time initiating the touch. It’s almost too much to take in, the feeling of Ichigo’s rough lips against his, the strong smell of soap from the bath, the taste of his mouth. 

 

Ichigo relishes in the contact, leaning in to soft, gentle touches, so different from anything he experienced over the past years. He wants to stay here for forever, in Ishida’s arms, sharing gentle kisses. All good things come to an end. Inside his soul the hollow surges at him threateningly. His balance wavers and legs disappear from under him. Ishida catches him, keeping him from hitting the ground. “Kurosaki?”

 

“He’s back.” The man grunts.

 

Ishida is quick to interpret the vague message. “Let’s get you back in the barrier.” Instead of helping Ichigo walk to his room Ishida crouches down and sweeps Ichigo’s legs up to carry him. “Hang onto my neck, Kurosaki.” He instructs. The startled soul reaper quickly locks his arms around the other man. 

 

Carrying Ichigo is much quicker, especially now with the severe loss of weight, soon they are back in the guest room. Urahara is waiting in the center of the room lazily. “I was wondering when you two would be back!” The man chirps. His gaze falls on Ishida, returning barely clothed. “Looks like you must’ve had a good time, Ishida-San.” Both the young men look away from Urahara quickly, faces turning beat red.

 

“I slipped and fell in while helping Kurosaki.” Ishida states, stopping in his tracks at the entrance of the room, his grip on Ichigo tightens slightly. 

 

“I see.” Urahara hums as he hides his expression behind his hand can. “Well,” The man sighs, “I need to place the barrier on Kurosaki-San.” 

 

Ishida nods, and slowly starts walking towards to futon. He is reluctant to put the soul reaper down, enjoying holding him so close. He sets Kurosaki down softlyand helps him get situated in the bed. 

 

“Now that Kurosaki-San is no longer in critical condition I can set a different type of barrier. It surrounds a small radius, in this case your bed, and suppresses inner spiritual pressure. Also the person placed inside the barrier cannot escape, they have to be let out by the person that cast it. This way you won’t just be stuck laying down.” Urahara states as he gets to work, he glances towards Ishida, “it also allows those outside the barrier to enter and interact with the one inside of it.” Ishida looks away shyly. “It’s similar to the one we use during Visard training with some extra modifications.” 

 

When he finishes he stands and leaves the room, “I’ll have Ururu send in some food and fresh clothes for you, Kurosaki. You need to start eating to regain your strength.” He calls as he shuts the door. Leaving the two young men alone. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone I’m back! Sorry it’s been forever, again! I guess that’s what I get for promising a quick update. Life kinda took a wild turn for me, things were crazy and I was going through a hard time but I’m all good now. Things are back on track and better than ever so I have have time to get back to writing this!

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired in part by His Golden Journey by Phoenixreal, go check it out!


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